Last night, and completely by mistake, which I won’t get into for the simple reason it was quite an irrelevant and very forgivable error compared to how we later had to pay for it– we were coerced and then trapped against our mandate into watching an incredibly ridiculous movie accurately called “Now You See Me”. This, twelve dollar minus the popcorn excuse for a movie I’ll be complaining about but not critiquing because in order to do this it would entail at least passing itself off as a movie and not an assailment on the public— left me wanting to scream at somebody— in Hollywood. I wanted to reach way down into my co-audience members’ purse and borrow her Prozac, since I don’t take any myself but after this movie—may have to.
This WTF movie or WOAW (With Out Advance Warning) and especially without further freakin ado, forced its stupidity on us, the non-suspecting and captured movie audience members. This movie lived out its 208 stupid (560 with trailers),nonsensical minutes one after the next. The very same minutes I could have spent chewing on jagged glass instead or eating itty bitty lawn mower parts which would have been a much healthier and vitamin packed experience.
At an alarming rate, this movie consistently made no sense. Its all a blur now, from the safety of my apartment, but I think it was about magicians pulling a heist by way of illusion. Delineating to society that we weren’t bright enough to pick up on how using alleged magic is one of the schemes of getting rich quick. That all along, by simply hypnotizing people to rob a bank on our behalf was the much unexploited route to riches. Also the route to the loony bin if we were to be that hallucenogenic. Gee, why didn’t we the people and/or moviegoers think of that. Probably because we’re sane.
Actor, after decent actor acting really well this really, really bad movie. Overly pretentious was the first thing on their list to surpass and it did that at the movie’s overly pretentious entry. They should win an Oscar for being so unabashedly overly-pretentious, this would be new and enough to make Oscar himself feel dirty and want to start wearing clothing himself the next time he’s handed over to be put in some celebrity’s display case. Is Hollywood in a recession or something that these same good actors are reduced to stooping that low? I wanted to get out, but I was mesmerized by the rivotting stupidity on the big screen. I instead went to my happy place, and started refilling my taxes in my mind—so happy here.
Actually, wait a minute, the only redeeming yet underhanded factor that will save this movie’s @$$ ,or jail it, would be that for the first time in history, the audience became the 3D effect to a movie. We were part of the heist they were dismally attempting to convince us of that was happening to some unknown, and remaining that way, French movie actors. Don’t you see… we’ve been had. By way of the first rule of magic which is redirection, they made us look away from our pocketbooks while they magically or maniacally stole from each of us at least twelve dollars minus the popcorn or WOPC (With Out Pop Corn). And it were as though crazy glue was strewn over the theatre seats so that our butts were hypnotized for the painful duration of this cheap or “C” movie attempt.
I felt violated, I needed a bath after that or hypnotics to forget that entire experience. I wanted to start smoking so that I can get hypnotized on how to stop smoking. O.K., Hollywood you win again. Know what – it was worth twelve dollars just to make it stop and go away back to the bad movie department layer of hell– minus the popcorn.